Fresno Haze

Just Because I LOVE This Cake

2011-02-01T13:42:00.000-08:00

Although they ruined it by wanting writing on it. Oh well.

Cakes

2010-11-15T10:58:00.000-08:00

I haven't updated anything in awhile since I have been so busy. Here are some pictures of cakes and/or work I have done in the bakery. I need to start bringing my camera to work with me because these were all taken with my phone (which isn't great).

Household updates

2010-10-05T13:09:00.000-07:00

So, I am very very pleased with the animals' reactions to the homemade doggy/kitty food. Mya looks like she has lost some weight and is not licking or scratching at all. Bjorn has gained at least a couple pounds and I actually confuse him with his brother once in awhile when I see him out of the corner of my eye. Max and Corbin seem to be the same as before (maybe a little less licking/scratching from Max) but they were the two healthy ones before.

The dog food is a little more expensive to make when compared to the bagged food but the results are worth it. Mya isn't even on her joint supplements anymore (because they have yeast as one of the primary ingredients) and she does not appear stiff or uncomfortable. In fact, she was jumping around chasing her bonie (compressed rawhide) yesterday like a goofy puppy (like Max does).

The air is still thick here but it has been a little better the past couple days because of the sprinkles/rain.

Matt and Jared got back from deer hunting on Sunday so things are back to normal.

Jared's birthday is coming up on the 25th and I am hosting a baby shower on the 17th. So, I need to finish up some projects around the house and plan the cakes.

I am fighting off the beginnings of a cold right now but I think I will be okay with lots of medicine and sleep. At least tomorrow is my day off before starting at the bakery for this week.

I love my family. We may yell at each other once in awhile but I would rather have them there to yell with than have us all disconnected.

Exhaustion

2010-10-02T21:54:00.000-07:00

I started my new job yesterday and am completely wiped out! At least my feet don't hurt as badly right now...although, once I started thinking about them while I was cleaning up at work, I could hardly bare to stand on them. Ouch!

So, I think I like my new job. It is definitely challenging because I feel like I am moving so slow but I think I have made some big improvements in just two days. I decorated about 8 cakes yesterday and today I did one with a piped horse (right up my alley) with horseshoes around the sides with a fence and a lasso as the top border. I even airbrushed a hot pink cake with black zebra print. My coworker is super fast and really talented so I feel like a turtle next to him but he is super helpful and shows me a lot of stuff.

Matt always tells me that I am the slowest person to do anything. I am trying to make sure that isn't true. In the decorating business, you have to be efficient (aka FAST) and produce nice looking things.

I am also learning (or have learned) that in this business, your work day isn't over until everything is complete. Finish the cakes and then go home. It totally makes sense, I just have been used to working within concrete hours. The only thing concrete with cakes is that it better be complete by the pick up time. ha ha.

This is really stretching me...and I think it is in a positive way. It is contributing to our household ($$), keeping me busy (super busy), teaching me so so much, and letting me be creative (even though it is exhausting). The only bad part is, between my work schedule at FCC and my work schedule at the bakery, it is really hard for me to visit home (Sacramento) and see my family. I hope things work out for the holidays but I have a feeling that I am going to be super busy and Matt and the kids are going to have to go without me. It makes me really sad and homesick but I have faith that it will all work out and be worth it in the long run.

Sometimes faith is the only thing that keeps you going. Every choice I have made up to this point has been the right one (not always the easy one) and I have learned a lot along the way. I know I am on the path home...it is just a matter of perseverance and patience. Our time will come. In the meantime, I hope my family can come and spend some time with me in Freshole.

Official Cake Decorator

2010-09-23T13:24:00.000-07:00

I just got a job at an awesome bakery in town as a cake decorator! I am so excited!

My interview was this morning and I start next Friday.

It will be challenging, exhausting and SO much fun!!! I will be learning so much and they are looking forward to learning from me too (although they probably know everything I know already...haha). It is only a 4 minute drive from my house...and that is WITH traffic.

You can check out their website. They have delicious food and such a wonderful atmosphere. I was hoping to be able to get my feet wet in a little bakery but this is an opportunity of a lifetime that I never imagined would be an option with a well known, 7000 sq. ft. bakery/cafe.

Now, I need to open my mind and work hard to prove myself and pass my probationary period so I can continue living my little cake dream!!

Homemade Pet Food

2010-09-20T20:40:00.000-07:00

I made two big batches of pet food today. One for the kitties, one for the doggies. All four of them gobbled their dinners up like crazy...especially Mya.

My decision to make their food came after Mya's allergy symptoms have seemingly increased and poor Bjorn is itchy too. I have been thinking about doing this for some time and have done a lot of research regarding the appropriate and inappropriate foods for both dogs and cats. It is kinda tricky to make sure they are getting all the right nutrients but I think I will get better as we go.

I have read that it may take up to 10 weeks to see improvement in symptoms if they are due to a food allergy. We will see. Mya has hot spots under her arms, her tummy is all red and she just seems really uncomfortable. Max even seems a little itchier than he should be. I will be substituting the dry dog food for their new made-with-love-food. The cat food will be a suppliment to the dry. Corbin seems to be fine with the dry food and Bjorn doesn't really eat it too much because of his sensitive tummy. We will see how it goes. My food looks WAY yummier than the canned food they eat now (the Petsmart brand). They cats already get Lysine everyday for their watery eyes.

It is a good sign when all four animals are in the kitchen with you while you are making their food.

So, this is what the doggies have in their food:
Ground Turkey
Brown Rice
Peas and Carrots (blended)
Chicken Liver (blended)
Chicken skin (blended)

This is what the kitties have in their food:
Chicken Thighs
Peas and Carrots
Chicken Liver
Chicken Skin (everything blended/chopped)

Yum Yum!!

Quick Blurp on 100 Year Cake

2010-09-17T09:03:00.001-07:00

The picture of the Fresno City College cake ended up in the Fresno Bee. More anonymous advertizing since my name isn't listed. It is still pretty cool anyway.

Another cake order filled

2010-09-17T08:56:00.001-07:00

Here is my latest cake. It was for a "shower" which I think was more a celebration for a woman who adopted a little boy. She used to work in my office before I was hired and was one of the few that made it to full-time in general counseling. So, my current coworker ordered the cake for the party. I have a feeling it tasted really good. It was chocolate fudge cake with chocolate ganache filling and enough chocolate butter cream to adhere the fondant.

100 Year Cake

2010-09-13T11:31:00.000-07:00

I won second place (1st in my heart) for the cake decorating contest at my work celebrating the 100th birthday of Fresno City College (first community college in CA and second in the nation). The first place cake collapsed before it could make it to the ceremony (haha) so mine was photographed and posted on the KMJ (radio station) website. The link is below.

http://www.kmj580.com/pages/landing?blockID=308253

Here is my cake.

The front

The side (the other side was the same)

The back

Newest cakes

2010-09-02T16:39:00.000-07:00

Here are my most recent cakes. I get lazy and don't post them. They are on my cake website too.

Newest cake

2010-08-06T10:47:00.001-07:00

I did this cake for a Summer Sensation cake contest. One of the judges is Kerry Vincent...if you don't know who she is, you don't watch Challenge on Food Network. I had no idea that SHE was going to be a judge...I wouldn't have done my cake last minute if I had known. Oh well, lesson learned. I like my cake but it isn't very colorful. Still getting better.

Goodbye Titan

2010-07-29T11:57:00.001-07:00

We sold our truck yesterday. It was depressing and I couldn't help from crying. Matt asked me if we were sure we wanted to sell it but we couldn't see that we had any other option. We just couldn't keep going the way we have been...scraping by every month...especially with the great potention of my hours being cut even more this coming semester. It was causing too much stress.
Our financial mistakes are ours alone and now we are fixing things. It is sad to lose our truck but we are looking forward to having our debts payed off and saving for a new (used) truck in the future. We will be very selective and conscience of our decisions from now on. This is a positive learning experience for us so that we can be more responsible, sensible and secure in the future.

A couple steps backward but making many more forward.

NEW WEBSITE

2010-06-30T21:19:00.001-07:00

Check it out!

http://www.cakefancy.webs.com/

At mom's party

Mom's Cake Part I

2010-06-21T17:25:00.001-07:00

I made the cake for my mom's 60th birthday party my sister put together this past Saturday. This was my first big cake and it seemed to go off without a major hitch...especially considering the 3 hours drive to my parents and then the 40 minute drive to my sister's to assemble.

I only have pictures from Courtney's cell phone right now but should be getting more from my sister soon. Of course I forgot my camera.

Everyone seemed to like it. The bottom cake was chocolate fudge cake with dulce de leche buttercream filling. The top cake was a lemon cake with strawberry and lemon curd fillings (like stawberry lemonade).

I will post more pictures when I get them from my sister.

Backsplash FINALLY Done

2010-06-10T20:29:00.000-07:00

It took us almost 2 years to get to it but we installed the backsplash in our kitchen. Now we need to repaint the kitchen walls and almost all the walls in the rest of the house...oh, and the doors too. Yuck! I'm already getting overwhelmed again.

So here are the pictures. Matt cut and I laid the tiles. I then grouted and sealed and we worked together for the caulking.

Looks fan-freakin-tastic to us!! Sorry the pictures are kind of dark.

Before

After

Fresno Funk Fog and other stuff

2010-05-11T14:27:00.000-07:00

I am feeling a little smidgen of the Fresno Funk settling in on me. Fresno is right behind LA in poor air quality, which I think puts us in the top 5 for the nation. My throat hurts today, Matt has been an allergy mess, and Courtney keeps making those irritating snot sucking noises up her nose...which she does anyway but now it is just more frequent, but that is a whole other issue. Jared seems to be able to handle the allergies like I do but that doesn't mean the air quality isn't a/effecting him.

My job is great as far as jobs go, I can't complain about my paycheck at all, and Matt seems to have a good amount of job security. We have a beautifully humble home, are able to pay our mortgage no matter how tight we are, are all in good health for the most part, and have food on our table every night. We love each other and are loved by others. I am grateful for all of these things and many more. I don't NEED anything more to survive and be happy but I feel like, although things are going along well, there may be a way to have more happiness. I don't mean a bigger house or more material things. I am talking about doing things, being surrounded by things/people, being in an environment that facilitates joy. Joy is partially a choice we make to embrace it, find it, and not hold onto things that inhibits it.

The grass is not always greener and that is what leads to the whizzing in my head. We have wonderful things going for us right now, as listed above. Is it wrong to look for other jobs when we are in a market where we should be happy just to have jobs? Is Fresno so horrible that it is okay for us to wonder what it would be like elsewhere?

I love my house. It is a good house, a little funky but built well considering. We have worked hard to transform this house into a great house...and pretty much succeeded. But here's the thing...my old house felt more like a home to me than this house. Not that this house ever did anything (yes I know it can't technically DO anything) but it doesn't have any energy to it. I've always felt that way about this house. Maybe I am just not being open to it. Maybe because I don't feel like Fresno is my home...and won't ever feel quite like home. Maybe I am caught in "the grass is always greener" trap.

I think I know what it is...and I have some responsibility in it. I married into a family. I wouldn't undo that but I just wonder if things could be different in the future. I have no family here, at all. I married into my husband's family and I still feel like an outsider. I am not putting fault on his family at all. Sure, there have been things that have happened (and still happen) where I don't feel like I am respected as a memeber of the family or a mother to the children but I can understand some of it because 4 years is really just a drop in the bucket when it comes down to it. Others have way more history than I do...and blood relation helps too.
Maybe it is a balance thing. I literally feel like, if you were to have a scale like the one in the hands of the Lady of Justice (can't remember what that is called), it would be weighed down completely on one side.

Mother's day-the kids were looking at old pictures at Matt's mom's house. I remember loving to go through my mom's pictures and still razz her about my sister having more that me...haha. I won't take that joy away from the kids and Matt and everyone else. But, it was a little difficult for me. Obviously, I am not in any of those pictures, I don't have any memories of the kids as babies, I don't have any pictures to share with them. Jared wasn't showing me any of the pictures that he was looking at and I realized it was because his mom was in them. I told him that I know she exists and he doesn't need to feel like he can't show them to me. So, he started shoving pictures in my face with his hand covering his mom or saying, "here's one without mom"...somehow that made me feel worse but I haven't figured out why yet...possibly because it drew my attention to her not anyone else in the picture. He doesn't mean to hurt my feelings and he was obviously trying to not make me feel bad by not showing them to me in the first place.

When Brittany left Matt's mom's before us, she hugged me and said she loved me. I told Matt about it yesterday. I said that I don't know if she meant it, but it was nice to hear. So, I'll take it.

I guess I just want to know that I am in a place where people are happy I am there, that I am a part of their life. Not that I have to be #1 or that anyone should be thinking of me constantly. Just more than someone who brought the kids over, someone that cooks dinner, picks people up, baked the cake, did the shopping, etc. It would be nice if someone ran outside to see me when I got home just because they were glad to see me, not because they wanted to go play with a friend. To be greeted at the door just because, instead of ignoring me in their room, sitting on the couch in front of the tv, or trying to run past me to play outside. The dogs and cats greet me...every day...just because they like to be around me...at least that's what it feels like.

I realize that I am probably being pretty sensitive. Most people with kids the ages of mine feel similarly, I bet.

Part of me wonders if it would be better outside of Fresno. Matt has no problem with moving to Sac or somewhere else. I think it is partly because of the air quality and partly because there are no opportunities for him here other than his current job (which he doesn't really like) and probably other things too...I can't presume I really know why. I don't want to be ungrateful for everything that we have...because I truly appreciate it all. We are incredibly blessed and I try to remember that each day and teach my kids to understand that.

But, I wonder, are there better opportunities for joy elsewhere?

Sugar/Gum Paste

2010-05-04T11:08:00.001-07:00

I tried my hand and gum paste flowers. It is much tougher than it looks but I like a good challenge when the results are beautiful! There is a lot of planning that goes into it because it takes a couple days to finish one flower, beginning to end.

Day one - make stamens and let dry overnight
Day two - make flowers and let dry (I left them over night but a few hours would be okay)
Day two/three - dust with color and set with steam

I'm sure I will get faster as I practice. These are much more difficult that icing, fondant, or baking. The paste dries really quickly so you have to move really fast.

I found this awesome website where I can order my color powders each for $1-$2 less than the store in Fresno (that is a big difference when they are each $3.50-$4.50+ for 2 grams) and the silicone molds are cheaper and they have a larger selection (those things are expensive...like $35 for a two sided petal mold). When we have a little extra money, I am going to give them a try.

Anyhow, here are the results of my gum paste attempt.

Here they are all dry and waiting for color.

This was first attempt at color dusting...not so good.

Attempt number 2...way better!

Hair Day 5

2010-04-30T15:24:00.000-07:00

Got my hair chopped on Monday. Originally cut my bangs and decided I hated them with my (then) current hair. So, I got it chopped. I love it because I don't have to do much to it! YEAH NO HAIR!! It is growing on Matt. He doesn't hate it but it is a big change for him.

This is right after I got home from the salon...not my styling.

Day 5. Pretty much did nothing to it but wet it and goop it up a little. Yeah no muss no fuss! Sorry it looks so serious. That is my relaxed face.

Here's a smiley face for you!

Before and After

2010-04-26T12:56:00.000-07:00

Here are the before and after pictures from the 5 Ton Weight Loss Challenge. I hate pictures because it is easy to tell how much fat I still have to lose. I love pictures because they document the changes.

Matt and I are going to order the P90X workout stuff. I have proven to myself that I am not a pathetic weakling and now believe I can take on the challenge of P90X. I will have to modify things at the beginning (and so will Matt) but I think I can get some serious muscle definition by my birthday...which may turn out to be the 90 day mark if we get the system in time.

Jogalicous

2010-04-13T12:47:00.000-07:00

I went for a jog today. 4.5 miles in 1 1/2 hours. I can't do a really fast jog right now because my knee is a little hurt but a slow jog with my knee brace is great. It was so much fun and it felt really really good. No pain, no soreness, no getting halfway out there and then feeling dead. It was awesome.

I am going to ride with Matt to work tomorrow and jog home. That will be a 6 mile jog on the bike trail. I will be taking my pepper spray with me so no worries.

Even though Fresno is not where I picture myself living for the rest of my life, where we live in Fresno is pretty awesome. I love that I can see the mountains (when the air is clear), that I can smell manure from CSU, Fresno on some days/nights, and that I can take a 4.5 mile jog around the ag from the college, through the college and back up by the livestock. I would love to live in the country but this may be the next best thing until that happens. All of this plus we are super central to everything we need.

When I moved here, I lost my comfort zone that kept me working out and motivated. I think I have finally found it again. I think I have discovered that my muscles are still there too. Yes it takes time to find your way, to get on track, but it is so worth it when you do. This 5 Ton Weight Loss Challenge has been the best thing ever in helping find myself again and start feeling good about myself.

Now I'm off to eat my lunch! Romaine with chicken (aka chicken salad but I didn't want anyone to think I meant the mayonnaise type) and honey mustard dressing. YUMMY!!!!

Cupcakes

2010-04-11T11:54:00.000-07:00

Here are the cupcakes I made for Brittany's birthday/Easter.

Getting smaller...

2010-03-25T13:41:00.000-07:00

I lost 3 more lbs last night at our weigh in. Total of 19.5 lbs lost and 25 inches. Yesterday was a super crappy day so the weight loss really helped me feel better. I need a break and a little more respect (students were KILLING me). I also need to relearn how to say "no" instead of saying "I guess" and being pissy. If I can't do it, I need to say that and let my guilt go.

We had a potluck for the students today because it is their last day before their work experience. Thank GOD! I couldn't take much more. I ate some naughty food but did NOT stuff myself and I will workout extra hard tonight. I'm feeling positive about the future.

Final note: Three more rejection emails from Los Rios. They're stupid but I'm okay with it right now.

Food is in the NEW FRIDGE!

2010-03-24T16:17:00.000-07:00

I transferred the food yesterday and took some pictures. The old fridge wasn't crammed but the new one has tons of space (as you can see in the picture).

I am still grateful for our upright freezer in the garage. The single drawer doesn't cut it but it works for commonly used items.

Weigh in is tonight. I am feeling like I am going insane today so I hope the stress doesn't cause me problems on the scale. Too many weeks going nonstop is bringing me to my breaking point.

Fingers crossed.

Saved

2010-03-22T18:04:00.000-07:00

My butt was saved from elimination again. I am too frustrated and embarrassed to let anyone know I needed saving again so I voted a million times for myself. I feel much better about my weight loss this week and I have been doing really well sticking to my diet and exercising.

Even my trainer told me not to pay attention to the scale. He weighs us because that's his job. I think I am in the "replacing fat with muscle" stage. I have lost about 4 inches on each thigh and close to the same on my waist. I am starting to augment my workouts with my "Ab Jam" video to strengthen my core even faster. My abs and arms are my weakest areas and the ones that need the most help.

On another note, I got some avocado at the grocery store today. YUMMY! I am looking forward to my salad for dinner.
Healthy fat=good bye fat ass.

Mya Got Me and Other Pics

2010-03-21T17:20:00.000-07:00

Counter guy (Mike) trimming for our fridge, our new BEAUTIFUL fridge, and Mya trying to eat my face.

An Eventful Day

2010-03-20T14:46:00.000-07:00

The counter guy came and trimmed the countertop and the trim of the cabinet so the new fridge would fit. Matt was like a little kid when the guy pulled out his plainer (sp?). You should have seen his face...like it was the coolest thing ever. It is a tight tight fit. Pictures will be posted soon.

He convinced Matt that Sears would probably replace the fridge (because of the stupid dents) if we called and asked. By the way, I had already mentioned this to Matt but, as usual, he needs someone else to tell him the same thing. So, Matt called Sears and they are delivering a new fridge tomorrow. No hassles, no problems. We are paying $65 for delivery this time because there is no possible way to get the fridge we have back into our truck to exchange it and I didn't even want to risk anything again.

I went for my bike ride and did 17 miles.

Took my body measurements yesterday and have lost a total of 22.5 inches in the past 6 weeks (6 weeks this Monday). My measurements were of my neck, bust, chest, waist, hips, thighs and biceps. I feel really good about my weight loss for this coming Wednesday. Hopefully, I will not be eliminated this weekend during the voting but, it doesn't really matter as far as me still working hard at getting healthy and fit.

Now I need to go eat again. :)

Cupcakes

2010-03-16T10:25:00.000-07:00

Here are the cupcakes I made for Courtney.

Updates

2010-03-16T10:10:00.000-07:00

So in the couple weeks that I have not written, I lost 5.25lbs, lost nothing, lost 1.75lbs. I am at a total of 15.5lbs lost and I feel like I am reaching the point where I fall off the wagon. Every time I lose weight, there comes a time where my consistency fades and I become discouraged. Honestly, I think it is related to my preparation. If I run out of chicken or veggies and I don't have things precooked and ready to go, I get off track. This doesn't mean I run out to get fast food, I just don't eat at smartly as I should to lose weight. It doesn't help that I made pizza and cupcakes for Courtney's birthday. I cant resist my pizza...it is sooo delicious! I did NOT pig ot but I'm sure it was not helpful for me.

My weigh in is tomorrow. I really don't feel good about this week but I don't really care either. It isn't that I am giving up on getting in shape and losing weight, I am kinda giving up on the competition part because my body is not responding in the same way as most of my team mates (or the other team for that matter). I get the program for free but I won't win the $1500 prize. Big Whoop! It would have been nice but I am happy with what I am getting and what I am doing for myself.

I do have to say, the $1500 would come in handy for buying our NEW REFRIGERATOR! (that is supposed to be read in the same manner as the announcer on Price Is Right would say it as he is introducing a new car as he prize). Matt and I are going on his lunch hour to pick it up today. The distribution center is downtown and only open between 10am and 4pm, T-S and he doesnt want to wait till Saturday. Apparently, we will need to take the handles off and squeeze it sideways though our back slider. We are so happy about this fridge! I will be able to keep my healthier lifestyle going and Matt will stop bitching about the fridge. Oh, and I can fit an entire sheet cake on the shelf! This is awesome!!

And beautiful!

I'm back

2010-02-24T09:22:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile.
So, on 2/17 we had our first weigh in. I lost 8.5 pounds and was the fifth biggest loser on my team. The other team's percentage lost was something like 10% less than our team's. That's because we are awesome and our trainer is awesome!

On 2/18 I had my surgery to have my horns and moles removed. My mom came down to take me to and from surgery. THANK GOD. I was unprepared for the extent of the surgery or the recovery period. My mom took care of everything! Thanks mom! So I got to stay in bed for 3 days and then be semi out of bed for the fourth day. I obviously missed my workout on Thursday and was then very inactive until last night. My doctor said not to raise my heart rate for two weeks (she said no running). I talked to my trainer and he had me modify the workout last night. At one point, he looked at me and said, "well, I raised your heart rate because I made you sweat"...but I had to half ass most the stuff, which was frustrating. Maybe most people would like to get away with not being killed by their trainer but I miss him "yelling" at me...he doesn't really yell. I promised him that he could yell at me in another week.

So, our second weigh in is tonight. I cut almost all my carbs since I wasn't able to be active...except for my special treat of unsalted saltines with a tiny bit of peanut butter, which stopped on Sunday because Courtney ate all the crackers..argh. It's okay, I bought 3 boxes yesterday but haven't touched them...they are just meant for treats. I had a dream last night that I lost 16 pounds. Obviously that is not going to happen but I do feel that I have lost some. I have kept my calories between 1000-1400 since the surgery (except for having 345 on the day of and 722 the day after) but I have not starved myself at all. It is all about food combinations.

Last night, I sauted onion, pasilla chilies, a tiny bit of tomato, and broccoli with 5 oz of chicken. I baked a small sweet potato to have with it but only had a few bites because I was full after the other stuff...and the veggies were only about a cups worth. After my work out, I had a Light n' Fit yogurt and an apple. I feel good and I don't feel dependant on food. I eat to fuel my body, not to fill the space or take up time, or make myself feel any certain way.

Now we just have to work on Matt's snoring so I can get some good sleep. :)

3 Mile Run

2010-02-13T10:28:00.000-08:00

I did it! My time was either 34:15 or 35:14, I can't remember. We ran the circumference of Woodward Park. For the first mile I did the jog, walk a minute, then jog some more. But my legs (from my knees down) would start to feel stiff when I walked so I just jogged the rest of it. By the way, Woodward Park is NOT flat! There were some serious hills that we had to get over.

Anyway, I did it and I felt really good after (physically). I can't say that I wanted to immediately run the course again but I was not in pain or uncomfortable in any way.

Yeah me! Now I feel more like this...

Okay, maybe not.

Night 3/Day 4

2010-02-12T16:04:00.001-08:00

Last night was so much fun! We rotated between cardio machines and circuit training. Then we split into 2 teams and did circuit races. The hour flew by.

I love my trainer! Nothing like I love my husband but my trainer is super awesome in ways similar to my husband and pushes us in a playful, encouraging way.

Today I went for a jog/walk around my neighborhood in an effort to predict my agony tomorrow. I got new running shoes (on sale of course) so that the chance of injuring myself is slightly slimmer.

The kids aren't getting picked up until tomorrow but Courtney doesn't want to get up super early and go jogging with me...why not?? haha. Looks like I will be going alone tomorrow for my big, painful run. Probably better not to have my family see me puke. One of the girls on my team told me that her husband said he was going to go out to breakfast rather than going out to the run with her. What a poop. That's okay, we will all support each other!

This is how I feel running now...

night 2 of training

2010-02-10T21:32:00.000-08:00

Holy Hell am I OUT OF SHAPE!!! But I keep going and focusing on how different everything will be 12 weeks from now. (even 2, 3, 4 weeks from now)

We did testing today...how long we can hold a plank position, how many jump ropes in one minute...and things that are much much worse.

But I come home happy and the kids are happy and Matt is happy. It's a nice change to be the one sneaking into the kids bedrooms to say goodnight and them making sure that I do because they will miss me if I don't. :)

I try not to get discouraged by my lameness at this point and Matt makes sure I don't think that way too.

Good night to day 2.

Weight Loss Challenge Work Out Day 1

2010-02-10T12:26:00.000-08:00

Ouch! I am not in any incredible pain but mildly sore, mostly in my thighs. Today is going to be worse and we are testing our current levels on a bunch on different things so that we can see how much we have improved 12 weeks from now.

This Saturday we have our first "challenge"...a 3 mile run at Woodward Park. HOLY CRAPATOLY!!! I will be shocked if I will the prize for coming in first, but I absolutely will finish. We start at 745am...yuck. Part of me is looking forward to the run because I want to be able to run the next half marthon that comes to Freshole but I am a wee bit nervous...mostly that I will get two black eyes from my double sportsbra-ed boobs. Ah to be flat chested while exercising...haha.

I am totally going to fit into my blue eyelet sundress for my birthday. (the dress that I have been waiting 5 years to fit into and still has the tags on it). I am super excited! There are some really nice people in my workout group...and some that I just haven't figured out yet.

Yeah Yeah the new me is on her way!!

Boxador

2010-01-02T17:10:00.000-08:00

Mya is a Boxer Lab mix. She is not part Ridgeback, that never made sense to us. The lab makes complete sense, she is a super food piggy and loves water. Her temperament is very much boxer.

random pictures from the house

2009-12-05T12:21:00.000-08:00

Matt moved the firewood by the back door (not my recommendation). Can you see the critter that Mya is watching?

Now both doggies are watching

Corbin thinks he is a dog

Matt really doesn't hate cats. (He let Bjorn climb up there and stay)

Someone is watching from around the corner

OMG! The kids are reading quietly without being asked.

Thanksgiving Spice Cake

2009-11-28T16:55:00.000-08:00

A new cake for Thanksgiving. This was a super quick one. I started the whole process the night before and finished the morning of. I think I can tackle the "gift cake" any day (with a few tweaks). The flavor was a scratch made spice cake with vanilla butter cream and marshmallow fondant. Even Courtney gave it a thumbs up...and the kids are the hardest to please.

My 6 Year Dream

2009-11-23T09:33:00.001-08:00

I got my prius! We are only paying about $10 more a month for our Prius than our Saturn Vue Hybrid. Thanks to Carmax, we got what we needed to pay off our Saturn and are very very happy owners of a 2010 Toyota Prius. This is my forever car and Matt loves it just as much. Now we can play the gas mileage game like my parents. hehe.

Factoid

2009-11-20T14:02:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted anything recently so I thought I would show I was still alive and share a little factoid.

My cousin's name is Michael Dwight (Bailey)
My husband's cousin's name is Michael Dwight (Lewis)

Funny, huh?

Happy Veteran's Day

2009-11-11T10:38:00.000-08:00

Take a moment today to think of those who serve and have served.
We all have loved ones that have served (or still do) and I'm sure we all have someone that we wish was still physically with us today because they made the ultimate sacrifice to ensure that we can argue our ideas, walk safely on our streets, and independantly choose how we want to live our lives. My life is blessed to have these people in my heart. First on my list is my Grandpa Don. It has been a long time, but I still think of you often. Dad is looking more and more like you too. :) It's the eyebrows. Next is my dad (USMC like his dad). After that, there are too many to list just in my family.

No matter how they served, where they served, or when they served, take a moment to thank these people in your life. We can never know their experiences but we do know that they were willing to pay the price for each of us.

Love you daddy!

Jared's Birthday

2009-10-23T23:33:00.000-07:00

Jared turns 11 on Sunday. His "Birthday BBQ" party is tomorrow at a nearby park. Hot dogs, chips, soda, cupcakes and ice cream sandwiches. Can you say "no dishes"? Only paper plates and cups and everything on a budget. Seven boys and Matt is on football duty while I do the food. That works out well for me because those kids would drain me and I deserve a break from 100% kid duty. I will (wo)man the BBQ and keep everything on schedule. Here are some pictures of the cupcakes for Jared's party. It is great that his birthday is so close to Halloween because I can always be a little more creepy creative. Wish me luck. Jared has a Bday party to attend after his and Courtney has one at the same time. It's going to be a busy day.

First Commissioned Cake

2009-10-12T14:19:00.000-07:00

Here is the cake I made for my coworker's grandmother's birthday party yesterday. It was large cake, 10 inches in diameter and probably about 6 inches high. The kids loved the left over batter I made into mini cupcakes so I hope the main cake went over just as well. I gave my coworker little tiny (non)business cards with my website and phone # so maybe I will get some interest. Even my mother-in-law is a supporter of the idea. She is getting cupcakes tonight for her birthday. Apple cake with cinnamon cream cheese filling and cream cheese frosting. I will post pics of those too. My KitchenAid is loving all the attention, haha. So the cake below is a buttermilk cake with strawberry filling, vanilla buttercream frosting and royal icing flowers. It is also posted on my cake-site.

Another cake

2009-10-08T12:35:00.000-07:00

I made this for my coworker's birthday. It was a fun excuse to try something new. Some areas look a little sloppy but I think that was because I kept changing the design. More planning next time. I am doing a cake for one of my coworker's this weekend. Her family is throwing a party for her grandmother's 85th birthday. It is a really simple cake so it should be easy enough. Those pictures will be posted here and on my cake-site "Cakes by Keri".

Another new cake

2009-09-30T22:01:00.001-07:00

Banana cake with vanilla buttercream. Matt just about died waiting to eat this cake. He loves banana and was trying to steal cake since he got home from work...while it was cooling! I made him wait until it was all decorated and I took pictures. If you want to hear him whine, dangle some banana cake in front of him and don't let him touch it. HAHA!! I really like the look of this cake and it was delicious. If you like banana bread, you will LOVE this banana cake.

2009-09-29T16:03:00.000-07:00

Here is my latest cake.
Yellow cake with blackberry filling and honey meringue buttercream covered in fondant. Everything made from scratch, of course.
Hope you like it.

On a side note, it is windy and cool here is frespit. I am looking forward to this lovely weather this week...fall is coming. Yeah! Now we have to really focus on weatherproofing our yard and getting some gutters back up. YIKES!!

2009-09-26T10:33:00.000-07:00

First, I have added pictures to my cake website--> Cakes by Keri

Second, I am making my first two tiered cake this weekend. It will be a white cake with blackberry custard and honey buttercream. I will be making the cake for a birthday celebration my coworker is having for her grandmother's 85th birthday. The family has reserved a room at a local restaurant so it is more formal. I don't know how much she is paying me but I am going to get some prices from some bakeries around here and then talk to her about the price (less than the bakeries of course but I really don't want to spend hours on a cake and get paid just enough to cover materials).

I will post picture when I'm done.

No more butt pain!

2009-09-03T11:01:00.000-07:00

Today was the second day I rode my bicycle to work. I did it one day last week and kind of have to plan it out to make sure I have enough time to get home so that I am not late for appointments or something like that. It only took me 37 minutes this morning...743-820am. I rode with Courtney to school Tuesday morning (about 2 1/2 miles round trip) and I will be riding to work again tomorrow. With all this riding, my butt doesn't hurt anymore! My work is about a 14 mile round trip on surface streets.

Matt and I rearranged our work out room and he built a wall mount for the TV. So, that room is a lot nicer to use and I am hope to start using our weight machine very soon.

In other news, I was going to take the cake decorating classes at Micheal's but I have to work next week on my typical day off and it happens to be the first day of class. I'm not upset though. I think I can learn most of what I need from practice and research. I'm pretty good so far but nothing compared to those food network cake people. I hope to get into gum paste in the future because I think I would really enjoy the sculptural aspect and the more realistic appearance of the decorations. I am covering my first cake in fondant for this weekend when my parents and grandma visit. Should be fun.

I only lost a pound this past week but that is better than nothing or gaining something. Everyone at work is really supportive and always asking how much more I have lost. My inlaws all noticed too. Losing weight is pretty fun when you are enjoying your food and exercise. haha.

oh and I am working on my website for my cakes. The address is http://cakesbykeri.webs.com/

It is still a work in progress so not many people know about it yet.

down down down goes the scale

2009-08-19T10:47:00.000-07:00

Just an update for those that are following my weight loss journey.

Today was weigh-in day and I am down another 2.5 pounds. (last week was zero...but nothing gained either...stupid ice cream slips). That brings me to a total of 13 pounds lost this month (started my journey on 7/22). If I keep this going, I will be at my goal weight by Christmas! I have actually lost 24 pounds since last November when I cut my finger. Yeah!

I hate spending the money to lose the weight but it keeps me dedicated to sticking with it AND I am seeing results! It is worth the cost to regain my health and happiness!

Slow and steady wins the race.

Current Temp in Keriland

2009-08-05T11:05:00.000-07:00

Comfortable.

Today was my weigh-in day and I lost another 2 pounds. Matt said, "I don't think that scale is very accurate" because he thinks I look like I have lost more. Yeah! 2 pounds down is better than 2 pounds up. Around week 3 is where I think I have started slacking in the past but I am determined to stick with it and alter my lifestyle to be happy and healthy.

Matt got a bike from craigslist this weekend. It was $200 dollars which was a little painful because we are so tight but it was a fantastic deal and a really smart investment in our physical health and our relationship. It is a 19 1/2 inch Trek bike (those are expensive) with an odometer, headlight, tail light, seat bag, bike pump (with the quick pump doodad), aluminum water bottle with 2 bottle holders on the bike, gloves, and a bike rack that fits on the Saturn and holds both our bikes. Holy Cow!!! That is about $600 worth of stuff! On Monday, I rode my bike to Matt's work and back (about 15 miles round trip). I wasn't pooped at all...my butt just hurt really bad! My bike needs a good cleaning and a tune up but it is great too...especially considering it is over 10 years old. We are planning to do more family bike rides in the evening with the kids (they tend to poop out much quicker...especially Courtney) and now Matt and I can run the doggies with our bikes. On weekends, when the kids aren't home, Matt and I are going to start to take little trips here and there to ride our bikes. My goal is to outlast him...I don't think it will be too hard, I have a little bit of a competitive streak in me. haha.

Also on Monday, Matt and the kids went on a bike ride after work. I decided to take the dogs for a walk because my butt still hurt (really my butt is still a little sore today!) and they need, and deserve, to get outside too. Max and Mya were awesome and we even jogged a little bit. I need to get Mya into shape with me because I am afraid she it going to fall over if we go too long. Max could easily be my jogging buddy right now. The kids are going to Pismo all next week so I am going to start to amp up my exercise routine then. That way, I can have some time to myself and get into my groove by the time they start school at the end of the month and keep on going. I am so excited to see my efforts pay off and I can tell that Matt is really proud of me too. I talked to Matt after I got back home on Monday and told me that one of the guys at his work had seen me leave (we sat at the same table with him at the company Christmas party) and he said to Matt, "wow, she's lost a lot of weight". That got me thinking and I am probably about 25 pounds lighter than I was at the party. Yea Me! I am going to make it back into my skinny clothes by this Christmas party!!

On another note, the Woodland job is closed. They didn't contact me like they said they would and that is professionally disappointing BUT I am okay that I didn't get the job. There is another job at the same campus that just posted for an Upward Bound Supervisor. I am applying for that one. The pay is less (about $8-10,000 less) but it is a less demanding job and the application process is so simple compared to the others. Oh, and it only requires a Bachelor's Degree.

Matt had his annual evaluation yesterday. It went really well (his boss loves him). Raises aren't done until Novemberish but we are hoping for/expecting about a $4/hour raise.

That's about that for now. The forecast is looking peachy with a clean breeze.

Quick note

2009-07-31T12:04:00.000-07:00

Haven't heard anything regarding the Woodland job. My birthday was much more relaxing than my usual days (when the kids are home). They really tried to make an effort and cleaned the house (in a way they knew how) while I was at work. Courtney spent the day making me a bracelet, Jared gave me a Thomas Kincade postcard/picture (yes mom, he did remember) and Matt got tickets for the two of us to see the "So You Think You Can Dance" tour at the SaveMart Center. This was a big surprise because he already went in with my parents to get me my fantabulous kitchenaid stand mixer. When it comes to gifts for me, my husband is always very thoughtful.
Of course, I got home made cards (Matt made me decode mine because he wrote what my present was in symbols). My parents called, my grandma called and sent me a card with a gift inside (naughty grandma), and Mindy and Erin and my aunt and uncle sent me ecards. Matt's cousin even sent me a text. That was the extent of contact from his side...I wasn't really expecting anything at all.
I am currently on Nutrisystem and the only naughtiness I had yesterday was a half cup of ice cream. I feel good about that. I have lost 8 pounds so far and I am half way through week 2 and trying to stay away from the scale until my weigh in day of Wednesday. I make Matt give me a "skinny test" almost everyday. It is really my excuse for making him give me a hug. haha.
So things aren't bad and that is good and I am making progress on myself. :)

Mr. Pickles

2009-07-09T10:38:00.000-07:00

The interview went well yesterday. I am exhausted today. I stopped by a Mr. Pickles sandwich shop before hitting the road back home yesterday. HOLY YUMMERS!!! Someone please open a franchise in Fresno! It is so tasty and they even give you a warm cookie with your sandwich. My cookie was still warm after I finished my sandwich and discovered the treat in the bottom of the bag.

YUMMY!!! I hope to see you again Mr. Pickles!

Yuba is a no go

2009-07-08T09:03:00.000-07:00

The Dean of Student Development sent me a personal email notifying me that I did not get the job at Yuba College. I was one of the finalists and he told me that with a little more experience, I will be hard to beat in an interview. That is great feedback.

So, I have mixed emotions about this. A little relief because the area is a lot different than I thought it would be and I was worried about how happy we would ALL be living there. Disappointed because it would have been an incredible opportunity for me and my family to be more financially stable and have the chance for other things. Proud that I was a finalist in the first interview I have had since FCC.

I am leaving for Woodland in about an hour or so for my interview with them. I have to give a presentation and I have my handouts prepared but I am still sorting out the approach I want to take. I was practicing last night and kept getting tongue tied and it felt a little funky so I just need to run through it in my head while I drive. As long as I have determined the direction I want to take it, I can freestyle pretty well.

I know there is a bigger plan for me. Obviously, at this time, Yuba is not it. I hope Woodland is part of the plan but I am also prepared for Fresno to still be part of the plan too. We have our health and each other and a home. I just hope my hours aren't cut any more because I really don't know what we are going to do then. I WILL stay positive!

To Woodland I Go...

2009-07-07T14:39:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is interview #2. It will be another long day as I am driving up in the morning and back home after the interview. My interview starts at 2:40pm so I should be done just in time for 5pm traffic. FANTASTIC. Maybe I will stop and get some food and eat there (rather than in the car)...that might be smarter than sitting on the freeway forever.

No real news on the job interview from last week. They did call my references as of last Thursday. Is that I good sign? I hope so. Our hours were reduced to 15/week as of yesterday. That is a nice, healthy 25% pay cut. Our boss...no cuts to her salary...maybe she will get a heart soon, her pay is about 4 of us combined and WE work our booties off.

Anyway, I have a job and that is good. I am staying positive for the future.

Exhausted

2009-07-01T11:49:00.001-07:00

For anyone that I wasn't able to speak with, the interview with Yuba College was fantastic! I should know something within the next two weeks and the job starts August 1st. I'm just really really tired from the prep to the interview to the drive home.

Next week is Woodland Community College. That will be a super long day with lots of driving.

But, I am excited. The process is exhausting but I am learning so much about myself...mostly that I am more knowledgeable than I give myself credit. I think there is a great chance of being offered one of the jobs but there is a chance that I won't be. If I get a job, that means a lot of sacrifices but the chance for great opportunities for my family. If I don't get the job, we will do what we have been doing and work for greater opportunities in our future. I know there is a greater plan at work and I trust that our time will come.

Crazy

2009-06-18T11:18:00.000-07:00

So much has been going on. You would think that things would be more relaxed with the kids gone with week...apparently not.

Matt and I have been replacing boards on the outside of the house. We replaced the facia on the front and installed new drip caps and then Matt decided that we should replace almost all of the boards framing the garage area and do it this week before my parents come down this weekend to help demolish the bathroom and pick up the kids for vacation. I think we should have it done by today. I have been working full days this week because we got some extra hours and my program started today so I have been busy at work all week. Today I get to go home at 1pm and clean clean clean the house. Then, when Matt gets home, we can finish the front of the house (for now). No rest for the weary, demo starts on Saturday (or Friday knowing how Matt is) and then a few more weeks of construction. It will be worth it but we are exhausted.

In other news, I have two job interviews. I am scared. There is the potential for great opportunity but it requires some big sacrifices. Matt is completely supportive and I think he now realizes how BIG this is. Initially, he was happy but I don't think he understood the magnitude of getting the interviews or the type of position it is. Now he does and I think he actually has moments of excitement when he thinks of the possibilities it could bring. Like me, we both go back and forth but we are taking it one day at a time.

It is scary. There are a lot of potential changes in our near future.

Caketastic

2009-06-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

Take two cakes (sour cream chocolate and lemon buttermilk)

and some royal icing flowers

finish with some leaves and they are so pretty and tasty!

They were a huge hit!

I should have made some business cards.

I think I even surprised myself.

Maybe I could make this into a small business.

Update

2009-06-05T19:05:00.000-07:00

Nothing new. Really, there is a lot of jacked up stuff going on that isn't worth my energy to type but, in the CalWORKs divison, we are holding together as a group. We are all worried about our families and our students and their families. We don't know what will happen.

We spent the day at my coworker's house having a "retreat" (at no cost to the college or anyone else). That means that we came together, supported each other, worked on goals that the college president wants to hear (whatever), and tried to process the possible future of our program, our students, our state, etc. We are an amazing group of people. We genuinely care deeply for the welfare of our students and their goals of self-sufficiency and, when faced with losing our jobs and the very dark future for the CalWORKs recipients, we still find a way to laugh and smile. Maybe it is a defense mechanism because we are exhausted, scared, and preparing for the worst...maybe it is because we have tremendous hearts and still try to find joy in the fact that we are bound together, not only by our goal to help others help themselves, but by the absurdity around us, the unjustness, and the greed that has put us, and all hard working Californian's, in this horrible position.

I pray that EDD will not collapse under the strain. My heart goes out to all of those that are on the chopping block. For those that can't seem to empathize with those that are losing their jobs (hard working, tax paying, revenue generating California's of all backgrounds), I pray that you will learn that we are all interconnected and that this shockwave of cuts and unemployment will effect you too. Help someone, give back, open your heart.

I left work today with the feeling that we are all accepting the fact the layoffs are close at hand.

PLEASE, if you care about the reform of this state and the people that live here, below are instructions on how to let your voice be heard. Our director told us today that, when she worked in Idaho in the mid 1990's when reform to the welfare system began, they saw 30,000 people get off welfare in the first year (due to employment!). If you question wether or not the programs work, wait until they aren't there anymore.

You can contact them using: http://www.legislature.ca.gov/

Once on this page:

Access “Find my District” on the right hand side of the page.

Type in your zip code and the reps names will come up.

I found Senator Dave Cogdill and Assembly member Michael Villines.

Click on their names and their web pages will come up.

You can then send them a quick email and let them know you oppose the elimination of funding for CalWORKs.

Our plan today

2009-06-04T14:13:00.000-07:00

Claim unemployment and sell cakes.

Things are not looking good here. Things are not looking good for California. Within the next 2 years, CA will be facing a $45 billion deficit. This state is really struggling...or has been struggling and it is getting a whole lot worse. CalWORKs funding is looking to be cut by more than half for the 2009-2010 budget year. That starts on July 1st, so who knows.

Employment in CA is not looking good right now. Whatever happens, we will be okay. I feel that I have to believe that, but I know that it is true.

We know we are loved and are in people's thought and that does help.

My Project

2009-06-01T11:02:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting to build a raised dog feeder for awhile now. It helps with the doggies' digestive track (they gulp less air when they eat) and it looks a lot neater than having the bowls on the food and kicking them around. The primary reason was their health (especially Mya, our gulper).

We are trying to not spend any money that isn't necessary so Matt pulled out the scrap wood for me. Well, we had this old tv cart that we weren't using anymore and it was taking up space in the garage. So, I took some measurements to see if I could fit all the bowls in it and ran the idea past Matt. Since he was working on a project too, he had the tools out. So, I modified the cart and cut some holes and now the doggies have a healthy feeding center.

They were a little cautious last night when I first moved their food into it. This morning, Max ate like a champ (he is much more particular than Mya).

Kick the Governor OUT!

2009-05-28T12:24:00.000-07:00

This is HORRIBLE. What is he thinking with his "proposed" cuts? Funny how the top doesn't get cut but he wants to cut EVERYTHING from the bottom. CalWORKs gone, Healthy Families gone, Cal Grants gone, etc.... The ramifications are monumental. Increases in homelessness, uneducated children and families, sick children, domestic violence, illegal activities, etc. We are only as strong as the weakest member and he is suggesting cutting resources to these people all together. HUGE MISTAKE. It should say something that, when people are losing their jobs, CPS is actually getting overtime because their caseloads are increasing. Hmmm...something to think about.

I pray that this does not happen. If it does, I worry for my students. If it does, I worry for my family because I will be out of a job.

Stressing is not going to help anything but I would be lying if I wasn't scared for my family and the families out there that are already at the bottom, working hard to climb up.

I really hope that California has a clue because our governor does not. God help us all because, even if you make $1 million a year, we will all feel the results.

This is not the way to help Californians.

My New Chalkboard

2009-05-26T11:51:00.000-07:00

Yeah! I love it.
I can make it look however I want and now I won't hear "what's for dinner?" a million times each afternoon! I just hung it up so we will see how it works later today when people start coming home.

Politics

2009-05-22T10:05:00.000-07:00

Things were fine yesterday. Today is totally different. I have been thrown into the epicenter of college politics because I try to do my job and serve our students and other people like power and don't seem to care about students. Thankfully, it looks like I am getting the support of my director (my coworkers and instructors are backing me too). We will see if my dean supports me too.... A meeting is in the works to discuss the problems we face with the divison through which our program come. Maybe it won't be as big of a deal as it feels right now. There are a lot of things in my favor so I am going to try not to focus on it and keep doing my job.

Trying to stay positive. I am not good at politics, maybe I should play the lottery (and win!) and become a hermit on a farm with my family.

Jail

2009-05-22T09:59:00.000-07:00

**NOTE**
This was written yesterday (5/21/09) but was not able to post due to internet problems.

Matt and I visited his step-sister in jail last night. She is leaving this morning for a treatment center in LA. I haven't mentioned her a whole lot because I try to keep other people's business as private as possible. Anyway, Carrie (my sister-in-law) has been battling with meth since before I have known her. I didn't know about it until we were having challenges with Matt's oldest daughter. Her husband tried to move her away from Fresno in one of his attempts to keep her away from the drugs and people. That didn't work and she decided to divorce him and move back to Fresno last year. It was a down hill slide from there. What landed her in jail was theft. Okay, enough said about that.

So Matt's step-mom called him last Wednesday to give him an update on Carrie...that she was waiting for a spot to open up at a treatment facility and, for the first time, she gave us contact info for Carrie in case we wanted to write to her. Thursday I wrote her a letter and mailed it on Friday. In the letter, I told her that if she wanted to see us (me and Matt), to put us on her visitors list and we would be there. She got the letter on Monday and called her mom to have her call us to let us know that we were on the list. Matt talked to his step-mom Tuesday (she did call me on Monday and I forgot to call her back before she called Matt), we found out Carrie was leaving Thursday so we visited her last night.

Jail is not a friendly place to be and I understand why it isn't supposed to be but EWWW! I don't know what Sacramento's visiting area looks like but, based on my knowledge of the other areas of the facility, it is probably a million times better than Fresno's. The ceilings are super low, it was hot, and I cleaned my ear and face and hands when we got home. I am okay with the "institutional" look but it really didn't look sanitary...at least on our side.

It was really good to see her...and emotional. Carrie and I have always gotten along well and I think I have always felt a little sadness for her based on the limited amount of info I have regarding her childhood and Matt's dad being her step-dad. She is a good person that has tried to cope with some bad things and chose the wrong way to do it. On top of that, she is diagnosed Bipolar. If you are at all familiar with this disorder, it is EXTREMELY challenging to manage, find a medication/treatment that works without unpleasant side effects, and not always easy to get the person to stay on their medication regiment. So, Carrie has been on a certain medication for 4 years but when she divorced, she lost her medical coverage so she was getting a prescription over the internet from Canada. Admittedly not the best route to take but, given her lack of options with the health care in the country and her need for the medication, I can understand. Well, because the medication is so expensive and it is not on the approved "list" in the jail and she has no medical coverage outside the jail, she has been off her medication for a month. I was beyond pissed and saddened when she told me this. Really, if you want to maintain order in the jail, all the inmates should be as mentally healthy as possible. I do understand costs and budgets but this is just one of the areas that need reform. How many people incarcerated have medical coverage and have the money to pay the higher copay for an expensive medication? Not many. On a side note, there is a ton of money to make in pharmaceutical sales...I wonder why. Stupid!

On to other irritants… Carrie has been in jail for a month and two days and we were her third visit. What? I know what it feels like to be completely betrayed and I can only imagine what that would feel like coming from a very close relative but does that mean that you shut them out completely once they end up in a place like jail, prison, detention of any kind? Wouldn't you want them to turn their life around and be healthy? Wouldn't you want them to know that you are hurt and untrusting and cannot support the life they have chosen but that, if they choose to get healthy, you will be there to support them and give them the opportunity to rebuild that trust and mend the hurt? I would. If I had known that Carrie had been in jail that long and I know that I was allowed to visit, I would have done it earlier and frequently. Sure my stomach hurt walking into the little visiting check-in area, and I was a little more than uncomfortable with the level of germs and environment. But, how does Carrie feel? My hour of discomfort is a price I am willing to pay if it helps her at all. Yes, I know it was effectively her "choice" to be there but none of us always make good choices all of the time.

Matt asked my why I am willing to give Carrie the benefit of the doubt and not Brittany. My response was that I DID give Brittany the benefit of the doubt. I visited her in detention, I had personal conversations with her supporting her, and I opened my heart to her. What I got in return was some fake words, projection of fault, scapegoating (not just by her), lies and a lot of pain. So I withdrew myself as protection. Now I am a cautious supporter, evaluating signs and sharing my concerns or helpful information with Matt (and Brittany if she acknowledges me). I told Matt that Brittany has apologized to everyone except me. I was incredibly hurt by everyone when I tried to help so can you blame me if I don't want to help as much as before? I tried to give all of myself and still maintain safe boundaries for the sake of the kids and our family and all I got in return was evilness and a load of projection (as if I was the one that created the problem...by stupid stupid stupid people that chose not to look at their mistakes to try better next time!) The only person in the situation that actually knows me and cares about me is Matt and he is the ONLY person in my immediate family-in-law that I trust. ANYWAY, so I will do the same for Carrie. I will always be there to support her health. If she burns me, I will withdraw. BUT, I will always let her know that, if she chooses healthy living, I will always be there to support her.

So, Matt's dad hasn't had any contact with Carrie at all. Matt helped me to understand how his dad might be feeling and I can understand the range of emotions he is probably experiencing. I guess what I don't understand is how you can completely shut someone out like that. I've seen him do it before and I've seen Matt do it too so I can see that they CAN do it but how do they do it? I can't imagine that it works well. I guess my whole thought is that Matt's dad is the last person that should cast judgment on someone else so I find it hard to not be upset by his behavior toward Carrie. I also know a little about her childhood to make me unhappy with the situation. Matt and I talked about it and he did calm me down some because his dad has endured a lot since Carrie has been back in Fresno. I empathize with that. Still, I know it is exhausting trying to support someone as they are making bad choices...but, I also know how necessary it is to do so that, one day, they decide to make the right choices because they know they will not be alone in the struggle. Let them know how you feel, make your boundaries clear, but never leave them completely. You don't want to let them pull you down and there is a way to let them know that you are there without putting too much of yourself out there. I understand we want to protect ourselves but can we really feel good by turning our back on someone in a time of need? I don't work like that. I want my sister-in-law back. I want her to be happy. I want to get to know her. I want her to feel a sense on pride and self-worth. I want her mom to not worry about her. After last night, I think she wants all those things too, and more. Treatment is going to be really tough but at least she will have one more person supporting her along the way. I hope that the pull of the drugs are less than the desires to be proud of herself and make everyone proud of her too.

In closing, wouldn't we all want to know that people are there to support us not matter how stupid we get? I know I would. Maybe I am slightly delusional when it comes to people but I truly believe that the good in people will eventually win IF they try...unless they have not good in them at all (which is totally possible in some cases).

Boxing ducks

2009-05-20T09:22:00.000-07:00

At work, we thought we were going to be able to work additional hours from May 26th to the last day in June. That would have been fantastic for paying off bills (and we were able to work extra last summer). Well, that was before the governor decided to make cuts to community colleges...including big cuts to catagorical funding (us). So now we have to be careful of our spending and no extra hours. Anxiety.

Will they have to make cuts? Who knows, we are hardly told anything about anything. Anxiety. At least I have some seniority here so I would not be the first or second to go. I have applications in at two more colleges with Yuba Community College District. That would mean moving, renting out our house, transitioning everyone, working full time, having my income become even more important than it is now...ANXIETY.

So, knowing that I have "generalized anxiety disorder" and not wanting to do the med thing again (because the side effects are not worth it and I didn't see much of a difference being on a low dose and I don't want to even think of a high dose) I need to find ways to reduce my stress responses and obsessive thinking about the "what if"s. I really am trying to not verbally express my anxiety quite so much because I think it actually makes it worse. My challenge is how to stop the physiological responses. When I get stressed or anxious, I can feel my body changing...almost like I can feel the hormones and chemicals spread throughout my body. When I do feel it, I try my self-talk to calm myself down. That seems to help some and will probably increase in effectiveness as I practice doing it. My next step will be to remain calm enough throughout the day that, if a stressful or anxious situation arises, my body will not flood itself.

I truly believe the key to this is EXERCISE and eating healthy foods. Taking "me" time and going for a walk or bike ride in the evening is something I am trying to work out in my head. I don't feel guilty not taking the kids (because most of my day is for them) but I do feel guilty not taking the dogs. But, I know that I need to take the time for me and not have them with me. I think that once I work up to a faster pace or have my routine firmly cemented, I will be able to incorportate the dogs into my walks or outside time without it taking away from my "me" time.

So this is a plan I am developing because it is far too easy for anxiety to take over every facet of my life if I am not aware. I need to learn to be a duck (water off the back) and a boxer (roll with the punches).

I will be a boxing duck.

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-09T16:57:00.001-07:00

Make a Smilebox greeting

Darn

2009-04-21T20:47:00.000-07:00

So I heard back from the final two job applications I had submitted. It is a "no" from both. But, this time, it took a month and a half for me to get the answer...that is much better than last time. I am disappointed but not too upset. Maybe it isn't the right time. We are finally starting to enjoy our house and are planning on starting our master bathroom remodel this summer followed by an upgrade in the hall bathroom. Matt and I both have good jobs and are almost done paying off all our credit card debt (we set a goal to have it all paid by the last day of this year and we are more than half way through already). We are eligible to have our home loan restructured to lower the payment (let's just hope they decide to drop the PMI too...fingers crossed) so our home will be more affordable. I am hard at work reforming my unhealthy self and if I had to transition to full-time work, moving, and helping the kids through the transition, I know that it would be hard for me to be able to make my health a priority. Like I said, it's okay. The time will come and maybe this isn't it. Once Matt is out of school for summer, we will make more trips to visit my side of the family.

On a more positive note, I am doing really well with my birthday present to myself. I figured that, since I will be turning 30 this year, I should get my ass in shape so I can enjoy the years ahead. I am counting my calories, making healthy food choices, and being active. Instead of sitting on the uncomfortable metal bleachers during Jared's baseball game yesterday, I walked around the field and was still able to watch the game. I also walked to the school for the game and I walked home while Matt drove with the kids (about 2+ miles total). This afternoon Matt told me how happy he was to see my energy levels increasing. This past Sunday, we took the kids over to the school and hit baseballs...I am still sore but it was so much fun and I surprised both of us by how well I hit the balls. It is such a relief to see that my body can still respond so well after all the neglect...almost like it was just waiting for me to get my head straight and start using it again.

So, that's that for now. :)

An Easter Reflection

2009-04-09T14:28:00.000-07:00

I thought I would use my last half hour of work to write some thoughts I have having. (Since it is Spring Break it is really dead here).

So, this morning, while talking with a coworker, I realized why I am not super excited every time a holiday comes around. Because I feel like an outsider here in Fresno. My husband's family has always been nice to me and the kids enjoy the times when we get together but I still feel very lonely. No one really knows me here except my husband. So, I go to family gatherings and chat and smile and eat and watch the kids play. But, sometimes I would rather stay at home with my dogs and cats. Why? Because they are closer to being my family than my in-laws are my family. I am 100% comfortable with my animals and I have been with them longer than anyone here in Fresno.

Again, this is not a reflection of my in-laws. In general, they are loving, welcoming, genuinely great people.

This is more about me being away from my family for almost 7 years. It is about me having a little family of my own (no matter how mixed we are) and not having my little family around my big family to enjoy one another. I give to my husband and kids and they give back to me. But when it comes down to it, they are the only one's here that know when I turn thirty or something important is happening in my life. There are talks of things happening in the lives of the people in my Fresno family but I am never the subject of that talk. I was stopping by my mother-in-law's house awhile ago to feed her animals while she was on vacation. She had a calendar posted on her kitchen wall and I noticed a bunch of birthdays written on the days. I flipped though the pages (because I was kind of amazed at how organized she was) and I noticed that everyone that I could think of in the family was on there except me. This was after Matt and I had been married. Now, I am not saying that my mother-in-law was intentionally trying to snub me but that the calendar is a perfect analogy of how I feel. It is kind of like being on the outside of a circle. BUT, I do need to mention that Matt's grandmother sent me a card for my birthday last year. :) The only thing I think my Fresno family knows about me is what I do for the kids. I think they respect me for that but maybe I just don't know how to fall into the puzzle and fit like everyone else.

The other part is that, I feel like our family time (meaning my birth family in Sac) is slowly going away. Not that I was the hinge that held everything together...that isn't the case. More that my aunt and uncle are exploring new things on their boat and my sister and brother-in-law enjoy doing their things and it seems like my mom and dad and grandma are doing things together. I remember how it used to be when we were younger. It is natural for all of us to grow up and want independence and do our own thing. Maybe it is because I have Courtney and Jared now and I see how much fun my parents have with them and how much they enjoy my parents and I want back what used to be there when I was younger. I want the kids to experience what I did when I was their age. Be able to go to grandma's and play with clay or go fishing and nature walking with my parents. I want to be able to jump in the car and go hang out with my family for the day without planning a massive trip. Or tell the kids that grandma and grandpa are stopping by for dinner.

I don't know if these realizations will help me or make it more challenging. I don't know if there will be any employment opportunities for myself or Matt that would make it possible for us to leave. If there were, would we be too scared to try or would we take a leap of faith and create a wonderful life for our family outside of Fresno. Lots of questions, lots of unknowns. Either way, my happiness is with my family and maybe that is why I feel so fractured sometimes...because my family is split in two. I have hope for the future in whatever direction we head.

Happy Easter to everyone near and far.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-17T13:06:00.000-07:00

We will be having corned beef and cabbage tonight...although that is not a dish they usually eat in Ireland on St. Patty's Day. But I love it and I will make everyone else love it too!!!! HAHAHAHA!

Watch Out Drivers...

2009-03-17T12:40:00.000-07:00

Krazy Keri is on the road!

I passed my motorcycle basic skills class this last weekend. Not only am I awesome but one of the guys (men) in the class said he would rather be behind me than some of the guys. HAHA. That is a huge compliment since the man is a pretty old fashioned gender-role type of guy...but he was nice. :)

It was tons of fun but pretty exhausting having to drive so far. It really made for a long weekend. When I got home from the last day, Matt and I rode over to the elementary school so I could show him how well I did. He rode my Burgman 400 motorcycle (with automatic transmission) and I rode his V-star 1300. Holy Cow!! His bike has POWER!!! When I kicked it into 3rd gear, I had tears streaming from the corners of my eyes to my ears (3/4 helmet). That thing is like riding a bull with the speed of a cheetah! Needless to say, his bike is a little too much for me but it sure was fun for the 3 miles that we rode. I road my bike to work this morning and loved it!! It can't quite kick it in the ass like matt's but it certainly can hold it's own.

Yesterday was Courtney's birthday and I am SO GLAD IT IS OVER! Matt did the dishes for me (thank God) and Courtney will be putting away dishes this afternoon. Her cake took me a long time but it is probably the best I have done so far (pictures will be posted later) and the girls were LOUD and SQUEALY!! How old are they when we can stop doing "birthday parties"? I was completely BEAT! I told Matt that I would rather have worked a full-time job yesterday than put the party together. I made each girl 2 barrets with satin ribbons and a flower with a rhinestone center. I will have to take a picture of the one I made Courtney.

We got Courtney a basket for her bike so she rode to school today for the first time. Really, the only person that didn't ride their bike today was Matt. haha.

Anyway, I am back at work and brain dead to say the least. Jared has practice tonight, Matt has class, and I have to get some yard clippings in the green waste for pick up in the morning. Plus dinner...kids reading...cleaning up...showers...homework...sleep...not in that order.

I just want some rest.

Motorcycle Training

2009-03-11T15:56:00.000-07:00

"I got the last spot for this weekend in Atwater. I'm scared. Eeek!"

This was the message I sent my husband a few minutes ago. My permit expires on 3/24/09 and I need to take the Basic Motorcycle Skills class so I can get my license. Luckily, they had one more spot open for the classes in Atwater this weekend. Fresno is still ho-bunk enough that they don't have the classes IN Fresno. Stupid.

I was looking at the classes in Sacramento but I am teaching right now and it is hard for me to get out of here during the week (the classes are on Thurs/Sat/Sun or Fri/Sat/Sun). Plus, I would have to go by myself since Matt has class on Saturdays.

So, Atwater it is! I still have to drive about 2.5 hours round trip on Saturday and Sunday but Friday is the classroom portion and it is in Fresno. I get to spend at least part of the weekend with my husband and then have to get everything ready for Courtney's birthday party on Monday (at least I have that day off from work). Silly me, I thought I was going to get some sleep over the weekend. That doesn't look like it will be happening.

Matt said he doesn't want me driving to Atwater alone at night (in case the classroom portion was not in Fresno). That's when you know your husband loves you. I don't know how I survived after sundown before I met him. HAHA!

Wish me luck! Hope I don't poop my pants. :)

Change to Health

2009-02-27T10:14:00.000-08:00

Due to years of digestive problems, fatigue, weight gain, and depressive episodes, I am changing my diet completely. Now, I don't mean "diet" like, "I'm on a 'diet' to lose 50 pounds", I mean "diet" as in what I eat as a living creature. Of course, I am expecting weight loss to be a welcomed side effect of my dietary changes but that is only one of many things I look forward to happening.

I would like to thank those that have help my decision to make a change.

First, my mother.
She has always been an advocate for my health and has tirelessly researched to figure out what the heck is wrong with me. Now, I know moms do this kind of stuff and, if your mom is a nurse, they probably are better and more motivated than those that are not. But, if you combine the mom thing, the nurse thing, and then multiply that by the strength of a nuclear warhead...then you have my mom. I can't imagine what I would feel or look like now if I didn't have the upbringing in health that I did and if my mom didn't continue to send me information or force me to go to the doctor to keep me aware of my need to pursue the answers to my health. Thanks mom, I love you! I love you too dad! (he is the silent, supportive partner of the "Keri's Health Quest")

Second, my aunt Nina.
Through her own struggles with her health and nutrition, I have seen myself and the similar path I was traveling (before the changes she made). I have been aware of my aunt's nutritional choices for years and have always understood them and the healthy reasoning for them but, I didn't know all the reason WHY she (and my uncle, Clark) made those choices. Thanks to my mom for sending me the link to Nina and Clark's website and thanks to my aunt for openly sharing, I now understand why it was necessary for them to change their diet. Nina and Clark have ALWAYS been two of the healthiest people I have ever know (maybe THE healthiest) so, to see their struggle and now success is a great inspiration to me. Below is the link to their page. Even if your body isn't as sensitive as Nina's (or mine), I'm sure most everyone can say, "Oh, that happens to me too!! Maybe it is the food I am eating." Anyway, check it out...or don't, it's your choice.
http://www.svrikki.net/RTT/LowCarb/Low-Carb/Welcome.html

Lastly, Michael Thurman.
Yes, I am talking about the trainer from Extreme Makeover (body edition...haha). Years ago, I ordered the 6-Week Body Makeover. The eating plan is VERY low carb, only allowing carbs (in the form of rice or potatoes...as far as I remember) at lunch and dinner in small amounts. Along with eating 5 times a day, it increases the amounts of protein, veggies, and water. Not only did I lose 20 pounds in a month but I felt FANTASTIC. Please don't ask why I fell off the wagon. poop! Anyway, I am thanking him because, through that experience, I know how I feel when my carbohydrate consumption is low and I want to feel like that again.

So, if you hadn't caught on, I am changing to a carbohydrate restricted diet. In case anyone is reading this that doesn't know what a carbohydrate is (which is probably no one since I don't think many people even know about this page), in a nutshell, carbs are in tons of things. It is not just bread, pasta, rice and potatoes. Carbs are SUGARS. That includes sugar (of course), honey, molasses, all those sweet things, your breads and starches, and a lot of fruits have high amounts of natural carbs/sugars. I am far from an expert in nutrition but I do educate myself and am probably more knowledgeable that a large percentage of the general population. For example, did you know that there is sugar (or high fructose corn syrup) in canned or jarred pasta sauce? Maybe that is why most of them give me heart burn...argh! Anyway, sugar makes your body react in a rollercoaster like fashion. If yo-yo diets stress your body, don't you think that it would be unhealthy for the reactions in your body to behave in this way MULIPLE TIMES A DAY?! Yikes! Anyway, I am not going to go on and on. If you want to learn more, check out my aunt's website and/or do some research, ask questions. People living the low-carb lifestyle are not trying to take over the government or the world. Like my aunt, they are just people that are living a healthy way, getting some fantastic results in blood pressure, cholesterol, weight management, energy, emotional wellbeing, etc, and maybe wanting to share their experience and information so other people can experience being healthy too.

Sure, sometimes I want I piece of my homemade banana bread but, when I did eat a little bit, my body said, "What the heck is that stuff? Get it outta here!" I didn't like being out of synch with my body so I leave the banana tastiness for others to enjoy if they choose. And, honestly I like having healthy BMs. Sorry if that is a little icky for you but, really, don't you like having healthy BMs too? If you like the icky ones, that is really icky. Please, if you know me, you know I am not embarrassed to talk about body functions. I am the daughter of a nurse and see no reason to try to pretend that we don't all poop, fart, burp, barf, snot, etc. If it wasn't natural to do, we wouldn't have the parts to do it. While I won't go into detail, I will say that everything functions at a much more comfortable level than before.

Finally, to all you veggers and vegans out there (who probably don't read this blog), I don't hate you, I want to BE you! Unfortunately, being a vegger made me unhealthy, fat, slow, and out of wack. This is very challenging for me because I would love nothing more than to know that nothing I consumed came from an animal. Maybe, over time, our bodies will evolve into more of an herbivorous type machine. But, for now, I am in a body that doesn't tolerate all nonmeat products as well as other bodies do. If I come back in another life after our bodies have evolved, I would not have such an emotional battle going on inside me. But, this is for another blog on another day. For now, I need to find my healthy self because the unhealthy one isn't working.

Happy health to everyone!

Power of Prayer

2009-01-29T08:48:00.000-08:00

When you feel that you have done all you can...pray.
When you feel that the cards are stacked against you...pray.
When you feel exhausted, defeated, and lost...pray.
When you feel alone...pray.

You don't need to recite words from the Bible or say 10 Hail Marys...just speak from your heart and have faith that you being heard.

Now I don't go to church and I don't read the Bible but I know that there is a power higher than myself and I believe that there is a path that we have for our lives here on Earth. I don't believe it is an easy path but it is one that we chose to experience and there is a tremendous amount for us to learn on our journeys. But we are never alone. We may have times when we lose everything but we still have each other and we are still in the company of angels and guides and positive, encouraging, supportive energy that is always there but that we have to choose to allow into our lives.

Every day I pray that my family (here and elsewhere, human and animal) is protected from negative energy and danger. I believe that, no matter what, we will be okay. I invite positive energy into my life and I work hard to make sure that my part is done.

Sure I have great moments of anxiety and fear, frustration and pain...but I always come back to the realization that I have the power to create great opportunities for myself and family. I have the ability to make sure that my home is a safe resting place and that if my children need to talk about something...even embarrassing, growing up things...that they can come to me because they will not feel like they should be embarrassed. I have the ability be an example by exercising the laws of attraction and the power of positive thinking and prayer. I have the ability to teach lessons that what we think that we want, what we think we need, may not be what we truly need in our lives to be happy. Even the most miserable experiences are opportunities to learn new strategies, skills, and lessons for our life. We cannot learn if we don't make mistakes. By working through the mistakes, there is opportunity for tremendous growth.

Everyone is feeling the the floor cracking right now...even if you still have your job and home. But, in times when we feel the most insecure, there is strangely a sense of security...it is just deeper. By asking those hard "what if" questions, we find that our foundation in each other is solid. That if we lose everything, we still have a safe place to go and love to share. We see what is truly important and realize we have our limits and can only do what we can do.

In times like these, it seems like people reconnect or turn to their faith. I encourage everyone to do the same. By welcoming positive thoughts into your life you really have nothing to lose but the negativity. Who knows what challenging, scary, and rewarding opportunity may present itself if you are open to the possibilities.

Update

2009-01-08T11:17:00.000-08:00

I just looked at this blog for the first time in a month and thought I would update some things.

First, my hand is doing very very well. After 4 doctor visits to make sure it was healing correctly, I have all my function back but the skin in still hyper sensitive in areas and I can't extend my pinky with too much pressure because the skin feels very tight. A few more months and I should be good as new with very little scarring.

Other stuff....

I am applying for some full-time counselor positions in Sacramento. For all of those that read this (I think only my parents actually do but whatever), say a little prayer, think a positive thought, or send us some good vibrations. "Home" has been calling me back and I would love to get out of Fresno. Matt is all on board for moving because it is just too unhealthy here and he is tired of feeling like crap physically. Our desire to move doesn't have anything to do with my inlaws either. Matt's family is great and it is nice to know that we have people around us here in Fresno. I know some people really hate being close to their spouse's family and would move for that reason...I just wanted to put that out there because that is not the case for us. Even though I would rather not live in Fresno any longer, I certainly would not force my family to move. This is something Matt and I are looking into together. Every job opportunity that I see, I discuss with him before I even apply. It usually goes something like this:

Me: "Honey, there are 4 counselor positions open in Sacramento..."

Matt: "Well, apply."

We never know what will happen but, at some point, I am bound to get a hit on the numerous applications I submit. We will see...I am thinking positively.

Matt is unhappy at his job. They laid off 17 people on Monday (1/5)...happy new year...not so much. Matt wasn't laid off because he is far to valuable to the company (I'm not just saying that either). I am also hopeful that an employer out there (in the Sac area, haha) will give Matt a chance to show them what an asset he would be to their company.

In other news, Matt is starting school on Monday (1/12). He is taking classes toward a Mechanical Engineering degree. This will be challenging on everyone but I support him 150% because it is an investment in our future and I know that he will find it rewarding. This is something he really wants and I am happy that he is getting started. It will be an interesting transition but we will get through it and it feel very normal after a little while. I will certainly need to pick up the slack because he will be in class Mon-Wed from around 6pm-830pm. I do most of the inside stuff anyway but I will need to help out with some more of the outside stuff. This is something I do not have a problem doing. Matt will have work and school and homework so I can do my part helping out in areas that he may not have the time for. That's what partners do and I know he would do it for me if the tables were turned.

My parents are coming to visit from today until Sunday (I think). I usually try to sick Courtney on my mom to squeeze out another day or so. The kids get excited when my parents come to visit…especially Courtney because she has someone to talk to who talks just as much as she does. Haha. If you haven’t watched TV with my mom and Courtney together, it is an experience…you may not be able to hear half of the program due to the chatter. I really am starting to understand my dad more now that I am married to Matt. I am jealous of the way they can block things out.

And finally, my cousin and his wife had a baby girl, Eva, on new year's eve. I can't wait to see her.

I think that is all the bigger stuff going on right now.

Reality sets in!

2008-11-26T09:31:00.000-08:00

Matt and I unwrapped my hand last night and Igot a little weepy. The pictures look bad but it looks worse in person. I literally cut through half of my pinky. I have no idea what stopped it from cutting anything really serious in my hand other than the herd of angels surrounding me at the time. I can imagine it now, "Come on everyone, she has the knife!" as they all surround me and wait for me to be a retard. haha.

My thumb and pinky move but my pinky is really restricted because of the stitches and the pulling that the occurs when I try to move it more than a tad.

Matt has been really good about helping me out and so have the kids. I wish they responded this quickly every day. :) The vicoden made me feel really sick so I am back on the ibuprofen during work hours and then I plan on taking one "v" when I get home.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! Practice knife safety during the holidays!

Two hands are helpful when putting on a bra

2008-11-25T09:34:00.000-08:00

As if things aren't stressful enough right now, I cut my hand yesterday helping Courtney with her science project. A reasonable quick trip to the E.R. and my fingers still work and are safely secured with a total of 15 stitches. Thank God it was my left hand.

I am trying to stay away from the prescription the doctor gave me and just survive with the ibuprofen but it is still really uncomfortable. Courtney was trooper and helped me by cleaning up the blood and following my directions. It helps that I was really calm and reassured her that i was okay and focused her on other tasks. Matt rushed home and took me to the hospital. He knows I'm not a wimp but I think he was surprised to see the seriousness of the cuts once I opened my hand at the hospital (I was clenching a paper towel for 1 1/2 hours and refused to open it until I was seen by someone at the hospital).

So, everything is a little more challenging now but it is forcing me to let Matt and the kids help me (which is good for all of us). I refuse to buy pies for Thanksgiving but I will need to shortcut some steps and the kids are going to help so they can brag to the family on Thursday. haha.

Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure.

SO STRESSED

2008-10-28T16:13:00.000-07:00

What happened to those lazy days of work and home with the animals? Boy has life changed dramatically! I love my husband and kids but I would also love to be able to freeze time once in awhile, unfreeze my husband and then we can spend some quiet time together without feeling like we are falling behind in something...because time is FROZEN! Haha.

But, I really do feel that we are working our tails off for something. I feel that in the next few years something will change in a positive way. Something is going to happen for Matt in his career because he is an amazingly skilled person and awesome employee no matter where he works. The kids are going to do better and better as we keep providing them with a stable home and teach them how to be genuine and responsible. I'm going to work...I don't know where or in what exactly. This is where I get a little hazy. I will be in education and I hope to be full-time but I really don't know what, if anything, will change. It is a little frustrating when you can kind of see what the future may hold for other people but not for yourself. But, I think there is a reason for this. If I knew what was going to happen in my future, would I work as hard to get there? Would I learn as much along the way? There is a reason why we are on our paths and that is to learn from our experiences and work for what we want.

I do know some things in life. I love my husband. I love my kids. I love my animals. I love my family. I have a good head on my shoulders and and good brain in my head. I need to take care of myself. That is the hard one.

Are you looking for construction work?

2008-10-01T10:38:00.000-07:00

Just so everyone knows, my husband is available for projects. He is getting started this Friday, 10/3/09, on a kitchen remodel for a family friend. They were quoted over 7k by Home Depot for installation of the cabinets (they are keeping the kitchen footprint very similar). Of course, this had been knocked up from the $4500 quoted by their contractor that went out to the home (which Home Depot mistakenly showed them). Matt is doing all the work for $3500 (and he is saving them more money because he is completing some of the things that they would have to contract out). This includes demolition, sheetrocking, wiring, cabinet and appliance installation, and probably a bunch of other things that I am not thinking of.

We did everything in our kitchen ourselves, except the counter tops. Look below for pictures.

If you want fantastic work done for a great price, let me know. Small projects or large project, we can do it. An added bonus is that you get me with him as his official helper (yes, I do know what I'm doing). :)

Feel free to circulate our info.

The air is thick

2008-09-25T19:12:00.000-07:00

With filth!

The air is unhealthy for sensitive groups today and the pollen levels are at 9. When I rode my scoot scoot home today, I couldn't see the hills/mountains. When it is nice outside, it looks like they are only a few minutes away. My daughter's eyes are burning and one of my coworkers had a little bit of a bloody nose this morning and was sneezing and coughing. Allergies are bad when you cough. (My opinion)

I love my home and my job and we are doing pretty good here in the armpit of Cali BUT, the day will come when we seek out cleaner air and some kind of breeze. That day will be happy. When I can look toward the horizon and see something other than a brown sludge (it almost looks like you can reach out to wipe at it and come away with ca-ca on your fingers) and I am not living in a city full of sickness due to asthma and other stuff caused by our air.

Yes, I know that pollution pretty much everywhere is getting worse but armits (whether they be literal or figurative) tend to accumulate the nasties unless they are washed out regularly. Fresno does not get regular washings.

This title is from the San Fransico Chronicle on May 1, 2007

4 smoggiest cities located in California
L.A., Bakersfield, Visalia area, Fresno
Jane Kay, Chronicle Environment Writer

On a side note, my daughter is in her room belting out Taylor Swift songs. Fortunately, she has come to the realization that Taylor Swift is a horrible singer BUT she still likes her songs. So, she closes her door and belts them at the top of her lungs. She likes to sing so I let her make her lungs sore.

KITCHEN DONE!?

2008-09-22T10:46:00.000-07:00

So I "finished" the kitchen this weekend while Matt was off in the wilderness looking to befriend Bambi and bring home a new pet...haha.

I say "finished" because there is a good chance that something else needs to be done that Matt will remind me of later. Oh, some of the shelves by the window need to be painted and some trim painting needs to be done.

Anyway, I changed the pendant lights (so much nicer and fit the feel of the kitchen) and I repainted the kitchen a creamy buttercup color (which is what I thought I was doing the first time but it really was a cross between Big Bird and lemon...not good), and I did the "backsplash". All the paint and materials for the backsplash and walls was less than $20! You ask, "How the heck is that possible?!" Well, my friends, it is easy when you are thrifty and creative. *hint...the backsplash is FAKE!

I was walking around Walmart because I was lonely with my hubby gone and thought that I would look in the paint section to spark up some ideas for the kitchen walls (I was going to mix some paint at home and alter the nasty yellow to a subtler hue). Well, it was like the heavens opened and shined down on the gallon of Dutch Boy, Interior, Satin wall paint that was 50% off. It was mixed to perfection (for me, apparently not for the person that initially requested it) and on the discounted, premixed rack. So that was my wall color...then I went on the hunt for a rectangular sponge. For less than $2, i got a replacement sponge head for one of those crappy floor mops. PERFECT FOR ME! And that little plastic part on one side of the sponge that has the scrubby pad on it was a perfect handle. I'm telling you, the planets were all aligned.

So, I took home my booty (as in pirate's booty...not my butt) and got my booty (as in butt...not pirate's booty) to work. Here is the result!

On the island is the one persimmon I was able to salvage after two seasons here. I don't think it is ripe but the squirrels got the other ones.

It's so pretty and clean

Look at the Maxie Boo playing Peek-a-Boo. He wants some beans cookin on the counter.

It almost feels like it has a French flava

NEW KITCHEN! almost done

2008-09-07T19:34:00.001-07:00

So I forgot to put some pictures of our new (almost done) kitchen on here. Hopefully they do it justice. Matt was working on the custom built cabinet nooks/shelves on either side of the window and the crown moulding today. We are SO close to being done but done enough that I can hardly remember how crappy it was when we were in the demo and reconstruction phase. The two beginning pictures are taken after we had already done some changes. The white cabinets were built by Matt and we took down the hanging cabinets that were above the penisula.

Here is a list of some of the things we did.

pulled out cabinets
impact drilled and smashed nasty tile countertops
cut half the wall off and finished it
built a new partial wall to the side of the fridge
replaced insulation and sheetrock in the walls
tore out nasty ceiling sofit
sheetrocked nice new flat ceiling
scraped popcorn/acoustic ceiling and retextured
ripped up linoleum in kitchen, carpet in dining area and tile in entry
put down cool new linoleum like wood look flooring (so easy and so nice...after it airs out for a few days...not a green product)
finished edges of carpet
moved appliances around
installed new cabinets and created island
corian countertops installed (the only thing we didn't do ourselves)
new blanco single basin silgranite sink (i will never have more than one basin again)
paint paint paint
installed new door and trim
recessed lights and pendants (which need to be replaced because one was broken)
in the process of crown moulding and shelves...
will do a tile backsplash when our money tree blooms again

The house is coming together

2008-06-09T09:43:00.000-07:00

So I threw a bridal shower for a friend of mine yesterday. 2 of the girls said that my house looked like a model home (although i don't believe they were including the kitchen in that statement). yes i cleaned for 3 days and Matt helped for 2 of those days, but it is really coming together. Our dining room is now a formalish seating area and our dining area is by our fireplace. it looks really good. Matt and I have decided to bite the bullet and remodel the kitchen. We thought about refacing the cabinets but they are so old (1977 originals) that there is a lot of wasted/unused space and the shelves and drawers really are not in good enough condition to spend money on making them look nice on the outside.

So we are going to get a combo of instock cabinets from home depot and order a couple (for the wall oven and wall cabinets since the instock ones are only 30 inches tall...rather than 36 inches) the difference in ordering the wall cabinets vs instock is around $55. It is a $150 delivery charge no matter if it is one cabinet or 50. BUT, if you order 6 or fewer cabinets, it is an additional $80. That is stupid if you ask me! I probably wouldn't even care but we only need to order 5 cabinets. POOP!

So I will HAVE to take before and after pictures and I will post them as we go. We will buy/order the cabinets this week and start demo in a week or two. I have a Pampered Chef party on Friday so I do need my current kitchen for that. :)

Oh, one of the best parts...we get to rip out half the carpet and stain the concrete below. yippy!

HAPPY EARTH DAY!

2008-04-22T11:23:00.000-07:00

Let's do our part to be GREEN! What a beautiful Earth!

The wall commeth down

2008-04-22T11:13:00.000-07:00

So I have to get some pictures up of our new "great room".

My parents came down to visit this past weekend and helped up take out the wall between the family room and living room. With my dad and Matt on the ladders and my mom and me on the ground catching and being hit (mostly mom) with sheet rock and 2x4s, we accomplished the task.

It looks pretty good and now we have to finish texurizing the walls and patch the carpet and paint and rearrange the furniture until we can afford new seating stuff and figure out what we want. Lots more to do but the big stuff is handled.

THANKS MOM AND DAD

Scoot scoot poot poot and demolition

2008-03-26T10:46:00.000-07:00

I got my M1 permit on Monday but I haven't been able to practice yet. Matt said we will go out this weekend to practice but we are doing some construction too.

It is time to join our family room and living room by cutting a big hole in the wall. I think I will repaint the rooms a greenish color. The family room is a plum right now on one wall (I ran out of paint hence the one painted wall) but I think a nice outdoor color will really brighten up the room. out furniture is all cream tones except the blue chairs I got from my sister and brother-in-law. Then the shared wall with the kitchen and fireplace will be a nice chocolatey brown that will meet with the greenish wall. Sounds pretty with cream cabinets and a cream/tan speckled kitchen countertop. Since the cats would eat any houseplants, the green walls will be my version of nature. haha.

My New Ride!

2008-03-21T15:45:00.001-07:00

This is so pretty. I'm looking forward to the 65 mpg and reasonably tiny gas bill. I am getting my permit on Monday and will be taking the motorcycle driving class in mid April. Matt will also be working with me on my driving so I am super save and comfortable.

I was originally looking at something smaller but this one is much more realistic for now and in the future. Since the kids have different times to be picked up from school, this bike has the space to get them to and from school. When your gas bill is around $500 a month, this is a great solution...as long as you take your driving seriously.

THIS IS NOT A TOY!

This is what I want...need to save gas!

2008-03-18T13:15:00.000-07:00

Happy St. Patty's Day

2008-03-17T16:10:00.000-07:00

what to do

2008-03-17T15:47:00.000-07:00

so, what are you supposed to do when you feel like you can't believe a word out of their mouth? i guess, when there are more people telling one story than the other people telling a different story, you tend to believe the larger group. then, when others tell you that the person was into other bad things AGAIN and that they can lie straight to your face like they are telling the truth, you start to doubt everything again.

you would think that when things get this serious, because the shit HAS hit the fan, that the person would fold and lay it all out on the line. really, she has nothing more to lose.

at this point, we just give it to God and pray. even if we think the outcome is bad, there is a purpose for everything, even if it does not seem clear to us at this time.

Just because Monday needs some perking up

2008-03-10T09:58:00.000-07:00

Stupid People in Good Jobs

2008-03-06T09:52:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I am a counselor working with short term programs at a junior college in my area. Most of you know all of this. Most of you probably know that, if you ever went to a JC, most counselors are useless. Apparently this is still true.

It is EXTREMELY competitive here to get a full-time position and they pay REALLY well. I am not complaining about my job because I also get payed very well and I work part-time. Benefits would be nice and more job security would be fantastic but I LOVE my job and hope to enter the competition for full-time in the near future. The problem I have is that a lot of the people that have the full-time jobs have forgotten that they are here for the students. This is why students run around all over the place trying to get an answer that makes sense.

So I saw this student this morning that had been told a number of wrong things from the mainstream counselors on the campus and sent her to see me. It wasn't that hard to see what she needed and I was really irritated that she didn't get the attention she deserved by the other counselors she met with.

The problem is that a good portion of full-time counselors think their job is cushy so they don't do the work that the students need. I swear, if I ever make it to full-time, I am going to be one of the most informed counselors working FOR the students.

busy days

2008-02-27T15:53:00.000-08:00

do you know what will exhaust you more than anything else?

kids.

i love them and would rather it be me exhausted than the other option...i just want a little more sleep and less clutter in the house. oh yeah, and less arguing. i know i must have gone through the faze in my youth when i argued every point and now i am getting the other side of it. payback is a bitch. haha.

here's to my first post! yeehaa!