Boxing ducks

At work, we thought we were going to be able to work additional hours from May 26th to the last day in June. That would have been fantastic for paying off bills (and we were able to work extra last summer). Well, that was before the governor decided to make cuts to community colleges...including big cuts to catagorical funding (us). So now we have to be careful of our spending and no extra hours. Anxiety.

Will they have to make cuts? Who knows, we are hardly told anything about anything. Anxiety. At least I have some seniority here so I would not be the first or second to go. I have applications in at two more colleges with Yuba Community College District. That would mean moving, renting out our house, transitioning everyone, working full time, having my income become even more important than it is now...ANXIETY.

So, knowing that I have "generalized anxiety disorder" and not wanting to do the med thing again (because the side effects are not worth it and I didn't see much of a difference being on a low dose and I don't want to even think of a high dose) I need to find ways to reduce my stress responses and obsessive thinking about the "what if"s. I really am trying to not verbally express my anxiety quite so much because I think it actually makes it worse. My challenge is how to stop the physiological responses. When I get stressed or anxious, I can feel my body changing...almost like I can feel the hormones and chemicals spread throughout my body. When I do feel it, I try my self-talk to calm myself down. That seems to help some and will probably increase in effectiveness as I practice doing it. My next step will be to remain calm enough throughout the day that, if a stressful or anxious situation arises, my body will not flood itself.

I truly believe the key to this is EXERCISE and eating healthy foods. Taking "me" time and going for a walk or bike ride in the evening is something I am trying to work out in my head. I don't feel guilty not taking the kids (because most of my day is for them) but I do feel guilty not taking the dogs. But, I know that I need to take the time for me and not have them with me. I think that once I work up to a faster pace or have my routine firmly cemented, I will be able to incorportate the dogs into my walks or outside time without it taking away from my "me" time.

So this is a plan I am developing because it is far too easy for anxiety to take over every facet of my life if I am not aware. I need to learn to be a duck (water off the back) and a boxer (roll with the punches).

I will be a boxing duck.